i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
