Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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