You're my little dorito
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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