im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
