the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
