a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
