do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
