you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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