I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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