I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
