I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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