Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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