Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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