i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
