he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
