omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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