You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
