He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Houston, we have a squirter
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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