I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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