sarcasm needs its own font
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
