the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
