Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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