just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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