After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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