she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
