We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
