all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
