im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Text me some of your sweat
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
