you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
