We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
