I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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