Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sex in the backyard? Check.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
