I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
