I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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