Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
