yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
