if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
