Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
