If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize