Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
