Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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