Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
