There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
