The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
