I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
