Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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