I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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