I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
