The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
