the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
