i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
