what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
