A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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