I just made out with a guy for $7.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm like, not good at living.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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