My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he thought i was a dude.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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