96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize