so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
