Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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