i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
