He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
