Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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