Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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