We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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