You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
