I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
